Chemo Week 1

Chemo Day 1! Feels like I've been prepping for it forever while also feeling completely unprepared. I dropped Otis off at Montessori as I've done hundreds of times before then drove Edie down to Dartmouth with me. Sue and Dave met us at the 3K reception area (this number will be forever branded in my mind as "the chemo number"). They took her home with them and my day started.

First step, access my chemo port. My port is a little purple plastic thing, implanted under my skin above my left breast. It is like an artificial vein, and it has a tube that goes directly into a larger vein right near my heart. I'm told that the drugs that are in my chemo cocktail are harsh on smaller veins, so I'm glad I decided to get the port. It is much better than the phlebotomists trying to find my tiny veins every time as well, plus now I get to joke with the kids that I have a robot part. Accessing the port involves a lot of cleaning and prepping, a little numbing and then, voila, a tube is stuck into the port and they can draw blood and administer the drugs by hooking up to it. It's important to wear clothes that allow access to this area, and I'm glad I chose to wear this awesome shirt (made by my friend, Jenny) to my first infusion—nice, loose, flowy and positive!

Second step: See my doctor. We talked more about the Dana Farber doctor's recommendation to add the carboplatin to my regimen after I do the 4 doses of Adriamycin and Cytoxan. The trouble is that the carboplatin has to be administered every 3 weeks, which would mean that I could not do the dose dense Taxol every two weeks. I would have to do a regular does of Taxol weekly, adding the carboplatin in every third week, making my schedule much more complicated and time consuming. We are going to review the studies about carboplatin and triple negative/BRCA1+ further in order to make the decision in the next couple of weeks.

Third step: Wait for my infusion appointment at 1:30. My doctor appointment ended around 11:30, so I got a salad and sat outside in the sun. We are having such beautiful weather here in Vermont this summer. My mom met me around 1:00 and we sat in the 3k waiting area, which is really a lovely place. There are puzzles everywhere and magazines and volunteers who try to make the patients as comfortable as possible. Once we got in there we met my nurse, Stephanie, who was wonderful. Very friendly and calm. There are two spots in each infusion room. The man next to us left right as I started then two women came in who were having a heated discussion. My mom asked them to cut it out, thankfully! Last thing I wanted for my first treatment was bad vibes in the room. 

The infusion starts with the premeds which include three anti nausea drugs plus steroids. The steroids made me chatty. That all took about 10 minutes. Then we did the Adriamycin which is a "push" not a drip. Stephanie used two large syringes for that one. The Adriamycin is bright red and makes your pee bright pink immediately. She warned me of this. This lasted another 10 minutes.

Stephanie getting the drip ready plus the two enormous Adriamycin syringes

The Cytoxan cam next, a half hour drip. Mom got out the cards and beat me three times at Gin Rummy (nice, right?). We each had a dixie cup of ice cream (I'm really trying not to eat sugar right now but just had to say yes—how often are you offered one of those little dixie cup ice creams?!) The IV beeped a half hour later and that was it. She put a band aid on me and I left and had a really nice dinner with Sue and Dave and my brother and Edie down at their house. Edie and I had a sleepover in their room with twin beds (so cute, she loved it). I came back the next day for my Neulasta shot (a bone marrow stimulant that helps make white bloods cells quicker after a chemo treatment), and then headed back to Montpelier.

So, I am writing this five days after my infusion. I have felt very fatigued the last five days and a bit down, but other than minor tummy troubles and taking a bit of Immodium, I have not had to take any of the nausea meds they prescribed yet. I have been sleeping, a lot. A lot more even than during my pregnancies. Chemo brain has also not been a stranger. Spacey is a good description of my mental capacities right now. I have been walking for a half hour each day. We have a beautiful park behind our house that is nice and cool with wooded trails. That's about all that I can do though, and more than a half hour in the sun totally zaps me.

I have been reading and crafting with the kids. We found a good hidden area for a fairy house in our yard; we made patriotic rice krispy treats. My appetite is definitely off and strange. Salt and Vinegar potato chips are high on my list of cravings, in addition to sushi. The biggest thing is just a feeling of "blah" (those of you who read Frog and Toad to your kids will know what I mean). I just can't believe I'm only at the beginning of this journey and there's soooo much more to go of it, and it's a bit disheartening at the moment, but it's begun and I just have to grit my teeth and do it.

I know this might just be this one time that I get off this easy after my treatments, or I might start feeling a lot worse tomorrow. I know it is all very unpredictable. But for now I am feeling lucky for everything I have and thankful that I live in such a peaceful place with amazing people all around me. Oh, and for bitmoji. Thanks, Sian, for that tip. ;)

Resolving to be okay with going slow

Being recent owners of a fixer-upper, Tom and I have found ourselves facing new questions each week which never fail to make us feel completely inadequate and incapable of answering--why does the toilet make a phantom flushing sound every fifteen minutes?, was that crack that I can fit my hand into always in that carrying beam or does it mean the house is about to fall down?, how do we insulate the attic so that our bedroom closet no longer doubles as a meat locker? The last six months have been a rickety roller coaster ride through a frightening fun house for us. My poor father has tolerated innumerable calls to his office from me in varying states of panic asking things like: Tom dug a hole in the basement to put in the concrete footing and now it is filling up with water, what do we do?! He dutifully answers every question I pose to him with a calming voice and reminds me that I need to relax.

In this new year, we have resolved to be okay with the house in whatever state it is in and try to not be frustrated with the constant presence of dirt and disorganization and lack of any of the comforts we'd love (ie a room to sit in that isn't dirty or covered in plastic--just one!). The mantra is "go slow" and know that it all takes time--a difficult one for me to wrap my brain around. Multi-tasking is my favorite pastime and I want all the items on my list crossed off, well, now! The good thing is that we are well on our way to finishing "phase one". In the time since the house became ours on August 17th we have completed all of the following (with the help of our wonderful contractors, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, etc.):

-Cleaned out a house and garage full of other people's stuff and purged
-Turned on plumbing
-Serviced furnace, lined and rebuilt chimney
-Installed woodstove chimney, purchased woodstove
-Removed a carport
-Re-roofed our house, garage and porches
-Re-built our porches
-Completely cleaned out .75 acres worth of over-grown vegetation
-Removed three walls and replaced with beautiful headers my uncle and father built
-Updated all electrical wiring
-Hung sheetrock and cleaned up old plaster
-Started priming

These are the major accomplishments that stand out among the multitude of smaller issues we've faced. I'd say it's not too shabby when listed out like that. Onward and upward for 2010!

2010, Here We Come!

It has been so long since I posted, and so much has happened in the last few months. I look forward to more time for writing in 2010 and to sharing more with you. Here's to a happy, healthy new year for everyone. Cheers!

Minimoon

Two weeks of marriage have been treating us well. We are still waiting for the dvd of our wedding photos, at which point I will post a bunch of them and tell you all about the details, but I wanted to put up more photos of Portland, Maine.

Tom and I spent two days and two nights in this wonderful little city. We stayed at the West End Inn, which was a really lovely setting. We basically ate our way around Portland's narrow streets full of sea air and old history. I felt it to have the familiar feel of San Francisco. I seemed to recognize (from an earlier life) the seagulls, foghorns, salt spray, and the gritty feeling of the sense of mystery and intrigue many port cities have.

The bouquet I carried on our wedding day--all flowers cut from Tom's
parents' garden and wildflower field. We brought it with us and enjoyed
it as we drank tea on the little deck attached to our room.

The food we encountered was pretty much 100% amazing. One of our favorite meals was at Fore Street (incredible interior and perfect selection of dishes made with fresh, local ingredients). The kitchen is in the center of the restaurant and there is an excellent old warehouse feel and everything is infused with the delicious smell of woodsmoke. Another favorite early dinner we enjoyed was at Food Factory Miyake. Its super innovative menu was excellent. They offer a tasting menu which we tried and it was so fun to be surprised as each little dish came out. All the fish was ultra fresh. Tom and I adore sushi, so this was a special treat for us because it's hard to come by here in VT.

We actually ate two dinners that night having permitted ourselves to indulge in the frivolity of gluttonous behavior. At 9:00 we made our way over to the Back Bay Grill where I had a really fantastic lentil soup with lobster on top. The food here was delicious but the interior design was a bit stuffy. In between Miyake and BB Grill we stopped off for a drink at the Top of the East Lounge at the Eastland Park Hotel. The views are undoubtedly amazing (we could see a lightning storm in the distance) and they did stock my favorite Kaffir Lime Hangar One Vodka, but the decor left a lot to be desired. This place could be wildly cool because of its location, but I sort of felt like I was sitting in a hunting lodge designed for greasy businessmen.

I already showed you the great lobster roll at Two Lights (f it hadn't been raining that day we could have taken a nice walk on the shore). We ate french fries cooked in duck fat here and browsed a large, creative selection of cookbooks, both old and new, at Rabelais. And I had the tastiest maple latte at the Arabica Coffee Co.

Just so you don't think we sat on our butts all weekend, stuffing our faces, we did walk everywhere we went and were able to explore all the little nooks and crannies Portland had to offer. On one of the piers we found this amazing little company, Sea Bags, which makes all kinds of totes and smaller bags out of old sails. The sewing and production was going on right there, and I loved the studio-on-the-docks feel of the space, but I wish the designs had been a bit more varied and colorful. We also stumbled on Angela Adams, an amazing design shop. She is known for her colorful rugs and fabrics, both of which we fell in love with.

A collage of fun things we found throughout the city.

We also climbed to the top of the Observatory (see photo above) and learned more about the history of Portland and all the little islands. We were supposed to stay in Maine longer and visit Monhegan, the island where Tom's uncle Andrew Winter lived and painted, but we had to cut our trip short due to our house-buying process (more about that when the verdict is in). We were pleasantly surprised when we visited the Portland Museum of Art and found a photo of him in the atrium!
There is an exhibit going on called Call of the Coast and one of his paintings is featured. It felt like the second best thing we could of experienced in lieu of actually going to Monhegan ourselves.

What a perfect little "minimoon" we had! We feel very lucky and happy to have had a little time to relax after our big day. We are supposed to go to Italy in September for a full-fledged honeymoon, depending on what happens with our house. Stay tuned...

Just Married...

Wedding and house-hunting have prevented me from being able to blog too much lately, but a lot has been going on, including marriage! Tom and I just got back from the most perfect wedding and minimoon weekend--a beautiful ceremony and dinner with our immediate families then a short gastronomic trip to Portland, ME. Nothing sums it up better than this yummy-looking plate of fries, lobster roll, and cole slaw--pure happiness and deliciousness!